From The Diary Of A Socially Phobic Niece

We all have annoying aunties in our family, right? The ones who keep talking about our future because their interest in our lives holds a special place in their minds. I have one too. Err, actually I’m dealing with more than one such creatures. It’s hard to keep up with them & their “I’m-about-to-make-your-ears-bleed” talk.

I have this aunty who got a catch phrase of her own. Particularly when she’s talking to me, I guess. And that catch phrase is “Tumhara number abi bohat door hai”

IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!

I’m the youngest one among my sisters. Whenever my aunt sees them doing the chores, she goes “Baqi behanein to mehman hai, tum kaam kro tumhara number abi bohat door hai” Gets me all nettled. Seriously. Last time she said that I fired back at her. I said “Oh who knows aunty, maybe I’d get married first” (just to make her quite down of course) and it worked. For like a minute, I guess. She went still. I won (for that very moment I did win actually). But then she felt a little embarrassed about losing to ME so she started coming up with some pretty lame rejoinders.

Ohkay well here’s the deal. I keep thinking about it. When my sisters would get married, they’d leave the house, obviously, and their chores would be thrusted upon me because when there’d be nobody else at home to do the chores, mum dad would obviously call me to get them all done. So, in the long run, I am the one who’d be doing all those chores, right?? Verifying the intensive thinking of my brains, I felt like… Ah! Genius!! And put across those thoughts to her. I told her that being the youngest sister actually meant that you must show some mercy to me for I would be doing all those chores in the longest time possible. We must be given at least the same number of chores for the sake of stopping sibling rivalry. Her extremely non creative mind used my very own comeback against me and she said, “Oh who knows maybe you’d get married first and leave the house, so now go get to work.” :/ Child labor, I say. This is child labor.

This other aunty, she keeps worrying about my height. I’m kind’a tall. This, normally, is perceived as a blessing by girls. But for me, it has been a curse so far. I mean their stupid talk makes me feel like I have height issues. Although I’m not “that” tall. But oh well I am the the tallest sibling, the tallest (girl) cousin & the tallest one among my friends. My eldest sister, well she doesn’t even let me wear heels. She says I look like a giant in heels. Oh & did I mention that I LOVE HEELS?!!! But I really can’t recall the last time I wore them. I think I’ve never worn any. Never in my life time. I tried to wear them in a family gathering once, 3 years ago & I still remember what kind of harsh talk I had to hear when my sister saw me wearing those heels so she went all mad on me. I always wear flats everywhere and anywhere. *sobs* Life can be such a letdown, at times. Well, Ok, now getting back to the aunty issue, it once happened when I was sitting at a cousin’s house with my family (the word family includes ‘that height conscious aunt’ as well), when I suddenly had to get up to get some stuff done. As soon as I got up, she went “oh hey, are you wearing heels?” *looked down at my feet* I was wearing NO HEELS obviously. Then she continued, “You’re growing taller day by day. Give it a break.” and guess what did she say next… “Aur lambi hui to tumhare size ka koi nae mile ga” I went completely defunct! She said that to me on my face!!! Meany aunty. Meany Meany aunty!

Another aunty, she thinks I’m still a kid. So whenever I go to her house or she comes to mine, she treats me like a baby. Which is nice, at times, rarely, very rarely though. But most of the times, its irritating. I mean I like being pampered and all but that’s something different, she treats me as a kid & I would actually NOT call that pampering. It’s just being treated as a kid. It’s annoying.

Ok, I guess I must not give a damn anymore.

P.S. iWhine -_____-