Tuesday, June 25, 2013

The Moon is Mute, So Am I - A Page from My Diary.

That day, like all the other days, I said nothing. Not because I didn’t have anything to say but because I knew that those people around me, they won’t grasp it. Because they won’t understand. Because they were so engulfed in the emotions they were carrying at that moment that anything contrary to their rationale that I might had said would’ve fallen on deaf ears - emotionally drenched deaf ears. So I saved the effort. I remained quite again. I didn’t speak. I’m becoming more of a spectator now. A silent spectator. The one who watches everything sitting on the bleachers while the people around that person shout, cry, laugh, scream and do whatever the scene before them makes them to do. Doesn’t that mean that they are controlled by their milieu?
Dependent on it.
Controlled by it.
Run by it.
How easier it would become for them if they’d just free themselves from it. Just brush it off for a little while, and then think and don't just spontaneously respond to their command. Become a rebel. Set their selves loose. Run away. And think with their uncontrolled brains. I believe their brains have the capacity to do much better than that. I believe that but I said that to nobody.

And I watched the moon. It was round and bright - so bright- and at a distance. I stared at it in awe. My weak eyesight made a little bokeh out of it and the bright white light came out of the moon’s boundaries. Hence, the bokeh. Today it was illuminated, both literally and figuratively. Moon is beautiful isn’t it? Just so calm and serene and still and just hanging up there, in its glory. Minding its own business. Providing sustenance. Spreading light. Irrelevant of who is receiving its light. Just doing its business: being beautiful. I like the moon. I always had. It’s like a jewel that the sky adorns itself with. Like a lady wears pearls, the sky, it wears the moon. And the stars? Well they are the perfect complimentary jewelry for the sky. Have you seen anything more beautiful than a moonlit sky complimented by twinkling stars? How simple they are and how beautifully do they get arranged up there, in the sky. I felt all that. Though the sky was starless and it was only the moon and a distant glow of someone’s house bulb they left turned on, that was lying starkly against the dark blue-almost black- sky. But that not-so-wan moon, it made me feel just simply brightened. I felt that and it made me feel good. But I said that to nobody.

June 23, 2013

Tuesday, June 18, 2013


Why are we afraid to try? Is it that we’re short of ideas or are we afraid of thinking? Are we too afraid about the consequences? Why don’t we get afraid of the consequences that are likely to happen if we don’t try? What is harder? Trying or moving on? Is trying tedious? Is moving on not? Can’t we at least try? Why can’t we take our own decisions? Are we afraid that we lack experience? Well how are we going to earn this thing called experience then? Why do we have to surrender? Why can’t we do what our heart wants us to do? Would it be too dangerous? Why can’t we ACTUALLY live? Why do we have to think a lot about society? Why do we have to get worried about people around us? What are they going to do? Talk about us? Laugh at us? Don’t they do it already? Why is it that we always calm our desires by feeding them endurance? Why can’t we let them taste the flavor of true happiness? Is true happiness expensive? Isn’t it worth it? Why is it that the discussion always ends without any outcome? Why do we feel sorry for ourselves? Why do we want people to feel sorry for ourselves? Why do we expect things to get done without trying? Why can’t we just get up and do it? What’s wrong with trying? Are we lazy? Have we accepted the defeat already? Everyone is running in this race of life so what would we get if we back out? Is our destiny too far away? Can we give up on our dreams this easily? Why do we always have to blame our fate for it? Is life unfair? It seems unfair for everyone, doesn't it? So isn't it equally unfair for everyone? That’s quite fair, no? We’re afraid. Afraid of a lot of things. We’re afraid of the future, of the people.  We care a lot about people, don’t we? Do we care that much about ourselves as well? What’s wrong with dreaming? Can we not dream? Do we want to kill our passion? Living without dreams is one thing. Living your dreams is another. Living without dreams is just like waiting for the ultimate journey, the journey to the hereafter. Would you regret dying without living your dreams or would you regret it otherwise? Is living difficult? Are we fore-worried about our future? Is it okay to spoil our present for the future that we aren't even sure we would see? Do we lack opportunities or are we too tired to search for them? Can’t we take out sometime for ourselves? Can I get the answers to my questions without you trying to impose your opinion on me?

Do I ask a lot of questions?