Monday, May 15, 2017

Heart Out

It's stupid to even think how I wrote the least during the past few months. This one thing that gave me solace, a place where I grew up and lived was stranded by me and I feel embarrassed by treating my sanctuary this way.

With apology, I open my heart again to you for you are the listener that never made me feel like I should ever stop speaking. Let me tell you how burdened my heart and soul feels. I want to tell you that I've never felt this old ever in my life. I've grown up so much in the past few months and when I look back at my old self, I want to break down and cry. I'm not sure whether these are life experiences that I'm gaining or is it just a rough phase that I'm treading on but whatever it is, it hurts the most. I have felt the happiest and the saddest. I've felt hurt like never before. I've felt deceived like the most stupid person on earth. I've felt tired like anything. I still feel tired like all of the weight of this world has been placed on my back. My mind swirls and aches the worst. I feel defeated, betrayed, trampled upon. I just feel the worst and I'm only afraid what more this life has in store for me. I never knew growing up would pain this much. I never knew I would feel this low in my life.

At this point of my life, all I want to see  is a vista of light. Happiness and opportunities. Success and smiles. I want to earn all that I had dreamed of. I want to move ahead. I want to laugh the purest laugh and smile the most genuine smile. Just hold my hand and lift me up and away from all the filth of sadness that I've been dumped in to. Just some peace of mind and heart. Just sway me away. Just.