Thursday, May 31, 2012

From The Diary Of A Socially Phobic Niece

We all have annoying aunties in our family, right? The ones who keep talking about our future because their interest in our lives holds a special place in their minds. I have one too. Err, actually I’m dealing with more than one such creatures. It’s hard to keep up with them & their “I’m-about-to-make-your-ears-bleed” talk.
I have this aunty who got a catch phrase of her own. Particularly when she’s talking to me, I guess. And that catch phrase is “Tumhara number abi bohat door hai”
I’m the youngest one among my sisters. Whenever my aunt sees them doing the chores, she goes “Baqi behanein to mehman hai, tum kaam kro tumhara number abi bohat door hai” Gets me all nettled. Seriously. Last time she said that I fired back at her. I said “Oh who knows aunty, maybe I’d get married first” (just to make her quite down of course) and it worked. For like a minute, I guess. She went still. I won (for that very moment I did win actually). But then she felt a little embarrassed about losing to ME so she started coming up with some pretty lame rejoinders.
Ohkay well here’s the deal. I keep thinking about it. When my sisters would get married, they’d leave the house, obviously, and their chores would be thrusted upon me because when there’d be nobody else at home to do the chores, mum dad would obviously call me to get them all done. So, in the long run, I am the one who’d be doing all those chores, right?? Verifying the intensive thinking of my brains, I felt like… Ah! Genius!! And put across those thoughts to her. I told her that being the youngest sister actually meant that you must show some mercy to me for I would be doing all those chores in the longest time possible. We must be given at least the same number of chores for the sake of stopping sibling rivalry. Her extremely non creative mind used my very own comeback against me and she said, “Oh who knows maybe you’d get married first and leave the house, so now go get to work.” :/ Child labor, I say. This is child labor.
This other aunty, she keeps worrying about my height. I’m kind’a tall. This, normally, is perceived as a blessing by girls. But for me, it has been a curse so far. I mean their stupid talk makes me feel like I have height issues. Although I’m not “that” tall. But oh well I am the the tallest sibling, the tallest (girl) cousin & the tallest one among my friends. My eldest sister, well she doesn’t even let me wear heels. She says I look like a giant in heels. Oh & did I mention that I LOVE HEELS?!!! But I really can’t recall the last time I wore them. I think I’ve never worn any. Never in my life time. I tried to wear them in a family gathering once, 3 years ago & I still remember what kind of harsh talk I had to hear when my sister saw me wearing those heels so she went all mad on me. I always wear flats everywhere and anywhere. *sobs* Life can be such a letdown, at times. Well, Ok, now getting back to the aunty issue, it once happened when I was sitting at a cousin’s house with my family (the word family includes ‘that height conscious aunt’ as well), when I suddenly had to get up to get some stuff done. As soon as I got up, she went “oh hey, are you wearing heels?” *looked down at my feet* I was wearing NO HEELS obviously. Then she continued, “You’re growing taller day by day. Give it a break.” and guess what did she say next… “Aur lambi hui to tumhare size ka koi nae mile ga” I went completely defunct! She said that to me on my face!!! Meany aunty. Meany Meany aunty!
Another aunty, she thinks I’m still a kid. So whenever I go to her house or she comes to mine, she treats me like a baby. Which is nice, at times, rarely, very rarely though. But most of the times, its irritating. I mean I like being pampered and all but that’s something different, she treats me as a kid & I would actually NOT call that pampering. It’s just being treated as a kid. It’s annoying.
Ok, I guess I must not give a damn anymore.
P.S. iWhine -_____-

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Be My Guest Or Leave Me Alone

I don’t like it when XYZ guests come over to our house. I’m aware that it shouldn’t be my attitude towards any guest coming over, but I can’t really help it. Whenever my mom gets to know that someone’s coming over, the very next thing that comes in her mind is Yusra’ & ‘cleaning up the house’.
My mom wanted me to clean up the house as we were having some guests over. But I told my mum I don’t want to clean the house just because they were coming. I never appreciate them visiting us. I told her I’ll clean it some other time. Not for them but for me (Yeah sounds like a brilliant pretext, No?) But well, she said she didn’t like my attitude (I was damn sure she’d say that in response to my justifiably assertive behavior) Further she went on & told me that if someone comes to our house, we should never make them feel un-invited. We should make them feel special.
Well, that’s the only reason I keep TOLERATING their existence in our house.
JUST because my mom said so.
But it’s frustrating, I tell you. It’s frustrating when your usual routine messes up with the arrival of just a certain someone.
I have to endure the pain… So much pain.
It’s maddening when you can’t watch your favorite show because ‘the guests’ have to watch something else on T.V. Or when you’re listening to you favorite music& they suddenly show up from somewhere & tell you they don’t like that kind of music so they want you to swap it with ‘their’ favorite music. It’s thwarting when you can’t eat your munchies around the house without sharing with them. Like you usually eat, during normal days, when your house is “un-guestified”. Because for some reason it feels awkward when your guests are just sitting there looking at you while you shove the munchies down your pie-hole. So you have to get up and share it with them. Which is one hell of a psychotic sufferance for me as I hate sharing. It’s intensely enraging when you’re watching something on TV & they kick off a discussion over that T.V show with their voices so loud that practically veils the voices coming from the T.V & you can’t help but listen to their irky talk, which actually turns out to be a protest on how kids these days never watch anything useful on T.V. & that discussion goes on for so long that your show ends up & you get up and walk out from that room but their debate never seems to catch the end point so they keep on talking about it. This is kind of obtruding, No? You like your shows, I like mine. What’s the big deal? But then again you can’t tell them to shut up because they are, oh well, the guests.
Ok one thing, for the record, if guests want us to give them their full rights, they should also identify their obligations in return. So they must know that their most important obligation as a guest is to “Live As A Guest” because they don’t own the host’s house.
Do not interfere. Mind your own business. Don’t creep into our lives. If you are a guest, live here as a guest. I’d never go to someone’s house & tell them I don’t like what they are watching on the T.V. Because it’s their house, not mine. They can watch whatever they want.
Don’t be a nuisance. Be a tolerable guest.
Also when you just don’t want to spend time with them, you literally find yourself locking up inside your room. But when you have to face them again at dinner or lunch, the first thing they say is “Ye to nazar he nae ati. Sara din kamre me band rehti hai” That’s the very moment when I literally want to scream,“When I sit with you, you make me feel like running away. You’re always talking sh!t about my likes. Why would I want to spend my time with you? You guys are nothing but repelling personalities!!!
But instead, I take control over myself, conceal my feelings, bury the urge to scream deep down inside and fake a smile so that they don’t think I’m rude…
Why oh why?!? Why do I have to be so nice to people? This very question raises in my head every single day. Never get an answer back though.
..oh & what’s even worse, the guests who come over at your place with no plans of going back to their houses in their mind. Well that just kills me. How can anyone be so thoughtless? It’s strange how they don’t even get the idea that the more they stay at someone’s house, the more uninvited their existence becomes & it makes others’ lives miserable. Well, actually we don’t let them grasp ‘the idea’ because we’re always being super nice to them.
I know I shouldn’t be feeling this way about them. While writing this, I feel like I’m a bad, bad antisocial person which I’m oh so totally NOT. So this kind of proves one thing. You are never born bad. Situations & people around you make you a bad person. Because I know, I’m one hell of a social butterfly. Always chattering with people. Giving them a real good company. But some people, well they just drain my energy, make me feel enervated.
….like the type of guests portrayed above. I hope they don’t read it though.
P.S. Hey, Wanna come over to my place? We’ll party hard!!!

Monday, May 14, 2012

It’s Mother’s Day!! (Yet Another Day Skillfully Saved By Mom Herself)

I know how they say, there shouldn’t be only one day reserved for showing your mother that she does exist and that mothers should be loved all year around and stuff like that.
But I say.. Heyyyy! I love my mum every single day of the year but how about making this one day super duper extra special for her.
How much time do you spend with your mum, telling her how blessed you feel, having her around? Not a lot, I’m guessing, considering the very fact that you’re staring at your computer screen right now instead of spending this time with your mom. So why not let’s just make this one day maybe a bit more extra special for her.
 My day started with a huge hug and suuuuuper pecks on my mum’s cheeks. :) Which I do almost everyday. But today she felt extra special which is an amazing feeling I tell you. Hey, if you still haven’t given your mum a big grand hug followed by a perfect kiss, Stop reading this & go do it now!
Whenever you think of making a day special for someone, the first thing that comes in your mind is FOOD, right? No? Uhh, Well okay I guess those kind’a thoughts dwell inside my mind only. I considered I should make something yummy & sweet because, you know, in my thesaurus, dessert is another word for celebration. (How pensive of me, eh? I mean, oh come on! Who could ever think of making a dessert for their mum on mother’s day? An unquestionably innovative idea! *pats herself*) Well bringing some practicality to my thoughts, I stood up, dragged myself into the kitchen and made some yummaaay trifle for her (which I kinda ate all by myself) Mum ate that too. She actually loved & ‘cherished’ that trifle. *feeling adored*. For the evening feed, I baked some brownies for her that err, well.. uh.. actually got burnt. I know I know. How embarassing, right? But who could come to the rescue at that moment. That’s right, AMMI!!! I knew mum was the only person who could make it right. So I called her and apprised her of the situation.
She saved the brownies.
My saviour<3
She actually made them look & taste EDIBLE, by doing some kind of magic. I don’t know, she’s a wizard I guess. MOM SAVED THE MOTHER’S DAY! *sheepish grimace*
Oh well…
Those brownies were delish! I ate those too. :P
Nonetheless, my mum felt loved. :) & that’s what matters most.
A little message for my Ammi. :D
I just can’t thank you enough for making it right ,Every.Single.Time!
I love you to infinity & beyond!
P.s. Next time, I’m gonna make you the PERFECT brownies ever.*takes pledge*
The very famous TV channel, GEO celebrated the mother’s week by telecasting a special “mother’s day” drama every night. My mom watched all of those DEPRESSING AS HELL dramas everyday and trust me, after watching  every single “mother’s day special” drama she felt down in the dumps. Stupid TV channels. Why do they always have to show an insubordinate child and a mum who passes away at the end of every story. Why can’t they end it in a happier way. Well, Ammi! just so you know, I’m never gonna be one of those sick children you watched in those sickening dramas.
I’m never gonna ditch you. NEVER EVER! You have my word<3

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

From The Diary Of A Useless Gentlewoman

The life of a “No-I’m-not-a-Nerd” ..or let’s just not call it a life
“How do you keep yourself entertained?”
“Uhhh, by tweeting, facebooking, in short, social networking.”
“You don’t have a life! I mean come ‘on you call it a life?” That’s freaking nothing but a waste of life. You must be doing something productive instead.”
“Err, like what?”
“Scan all your papers and covert them to PDF”
“Learn Linux command”
“Learn C++ programming”
“What on earth does this See plus plus mean?” O.o
“It’s a programming lingo, you stupid head!”
“Oh, so why not let “minus” give a chance as well. What’s the point in repeating “plus”. Hey “minus” has got feelings too, Ok? Make it C-+” (I respect ‘people’s’ feelings. I’m sweet like that)
“Arghhhhhh! Or, better yet, go check out my web "
“Holy moly, Sheldon much?”
^that’s a common colloquy, I’m afraid I’m very likely gonna be having with a nerd, someday. I even had to Google those nerd terms, I’m dumb like that. I’m seriously a bit perplexed. Am I the one who’s lacking life? Are nerds living it to the fullest? *bewildered expressions* I can never imagine sitting myself in front of a computer screen, reading symbols like *00>eyur or whatever they write it like. I mean come one, make your life easier. Live like a human! Speak human, read human, STAY HUMAN! Leave that nerd stuff for people like Bill Gates & Newton, they were meant to be into that stuff. You are a normal human being, with a family, brothers, sisters & your friends. This is called a life. Ok tell me something, how do you spend your weekend? Partying at C++’s house or what? Come ‘on my nerdy brothas & sistas! Don’t make your life miserable. Live it up. Make some friends. Hang out with them. Do some crazy stuff (NO!! You son of a Sheldonn!!! That doesn’t include making a solar charge controller or something) Like dine somewhere or party or whatever you’d like to call it. Just make it anti-nerd.
Oh & I have also even seen some “social networking nerds” using Facebook & Twitter for their geeky purposes & I gotta tell you, Maayyynnn! People love’em! They got hell lot ‘a “likes” & “followers”, respectively. Well that makes me wonder a lot more about “Am I useless?”

“Am I dumb?”
*eyes sparkle with tears*
”Am I stupid enough to sit with a bunch of geeks & zone out after a mere time period of 10 seconds”
*bursts into tears*

Now I know why my mum compares with that next door neighbor. Like, ohhkayyyy, go adopt him or something. You’re totally not appreciating the value of this one hell of a child you’re blessed with. :( *emotional extortion*
Oh but btw heyyyy, Sheldon is a nice geek! :) Why? hmmm… probe required!
P.S. Hey nerds, at least your nerd talk made me create a meme! Check it out.

Monday, May 7, 2012

The Ufone Ghanta Package Can Go Straight To Hell

I never thought I’d hate Ufone this much.. My tragic story… :(
Err… so I was like having this real nice time tweeting from my phone & checking out some pretty funny hashtags when suddenly my phone started ringing. I so wasn’t expecting any calls at 11:00 P.M so it kind’a teensy weensy tiny bit startled me. It was my one of my aunties. I thought, why is she calling me? :s Got a little confuzzled, dragged my thoughts out of the twitter world & picked up the phone. And being on my best of my behaviour, I uttered, “Asslamoalikum, aunty. Kesi hain?” …and after le typical exchange of greetings, she told me she called on my no. because (unfortunately) she had the same phone network as me and that she had subscribed this “Ghanta package” so that she could gossip the night away with my mom.
Those words… they fell upon me like a thunderbolt (oh well, dramatic much) No but seriously, that basically meant I won’t be using my phone for one whole hour ‘cause ofcourse it’d be with my mum. Ahh, so I faked a happy reply in return, like “Yayyy, one whole hour.. that’s great isn’t it greeeeeeeeeeeeatttt”
Here mum, someone wants to talk to you!! From the inside, I was like.. Die Ufone Die!!
Things to do: get my mom a UFONE sim.