Saturday, April 12, 2014

Her Budding Thoughts

Evening is setting in and it's getting darker with each passing moment. Her room, brightened by the light coming from the window, is slowly wearing a shroud of dark. The sound of life is swinging to her room from the outside world. Inside, it's just her, the sound of keyboard, the lingering smell of her perfume, and her thoughts.

Her thoughts..
Lord knows whether her thoughts are the problem or the solution. Her thoughts that fly her over the years and decades. Most of the times, while on her thoughts-driven-journey, she just cannot come back. She stays there where her thoughts take her to and so she looks like a statue to the people of where her physical existence is situated. Who decides where does one choose to stay?

Years have passed, and she is still in the search of her inquisitions that revolve around one ultimate question. Why is she made a human being? She says she could have been anything. She couldn't even have existed, for that matter. But why is she here? A constant pain, a perpetual disturbance, an ultimate disappointment.. that's what she has always been.

It's got dark outside. From the common room, a beam of light peaks in through the door left ajar, making an illuminated triangle stretching along the carpeted floor. She looks at the light and suddenly starts thinking about the chemistry of light and the physics of its existence. Why is she thinking that, anyway? She writes, erases, rewrites, erases, writes once again and then backspaces it one more time. What is it that she's trying to write anyway? 

When the heart gets filled with a plethora of things that need to get out, that's when it starts to sink. Because, the heart then shows that it lacks the strength to hold it all. To keep the heart afloat, a few things need to be let out. But then again, not everyone can hold and preserve the words you let out. Not everyone understands the expression you wear. This is the reason she keeps it in. She'll depart one day, with oceans of words stacked safely in her.

There's one thing she's quite sure she won't understand. Not because she cannot understand. No, she certainly can! But her fellow human beings won't let her go with her theory of life. The truth of life is that it's filled with lies and distrust. Not everyone thinks alike. She used to like the versatility of humans. Ironically, she has confronted the versatility of humans in the context of everything against her. It's her, it has always been her, it will always be her!

The sound of life coming from the outside world has stopped abruptly. Someone has turned off the T.V. Her phone starts ringing that very instant. She looks at the screen. It's her friend, a very old and very sweet friend who never gets enough of talking. She picks it up for the sake of her friend and compels herself to talk. "Why do you sound so low, tell me!", screams her friend. But not everyone understands, so she decides to dump the blame on her routine and assignments. The sound of doorbell is heard. She shifts in her duvet. A sea of chirping voices and giggles reaches her again from the outside world. There are visitors outside. Everyone is laughing on the outside, everyone is hiding their real stories. They all are living it wrong. Oddly, her friend decides to make the conversation short, today. She's grateful for that.

Let's continue watching her, while she continues the mentally tedious task; thinking.


  1. Beautifully written Yu!
    Over thinking leads to negative thoughts. That's what I 've experienced so far.
    She should start sharing it with the people around her or with that one person who's dying to hear those weird stories all over again. You should know, Now is the time to start sharing um sure that one guy 'll understand!

  2. best part "She used to like the versatility of humans" btw what was her criteria for versatility

  3. We think, therefore we are. Unfortunately, not all questions have answers, we've gotta live with that.

  4. Well.. what do u know! She should take that question mark out from there 1st