Na Hota Mein Tou Kya Hota

I never thought I would hear that. But I did. It hurt my feelings but that’s okay. Believe me it is. I guess that’s what they say about expectations. They do get killed. But I don’t blame anyone. It’s just that no matter how hard I try, there does always come up something that stands in front of me and tells me that I fail at living life. So the blame is on me. I want to run away, far away. I want to leave it all behind and disappear into the wilderness. I wish nobody could see me. I wish nobody could talk to me. I wish I never existed. I wish I could just get up one day and get lost in the woods. I wish I could do that. If I were living my life for myself only, I would’ve done that by now. But I don’t live one life. I’m living a lot more. I don’t live for myself.  I can’t help wondering about my existence. I can’t help wondering how I manage to mess everything up. One thing that I really wanted to achieve in life was to be that person who brings happiness in others’ lives. I try so hard, oh lord knows I try my best to do so. But I fail! I fail every time.

Na  tha  kuch  tou  khuda  tha,  kuch  na  hota  tou  khuda  hota
Daboya  mujh  ko  honay  ne, na  hota  mein  tou  kya  hota

And when you don’t know where to go, and all the directions are lost, I wish you could see that one direction that always shines upon you. I wish you get the vision. I wish the best for you. Don't worry, I think about people in my mind like the person I knew they were. I think about the best version of them that they had shown to me. I’d try to forget what I saw. I’d try to forget that you said that. I’d try to convince myself that you never meant to say that. I’d keep praying like I always did for you. I’d just try to forget all that. It’s just that I was hurt but that doesn’t really matter. What matters is people’s happiness and I wish that they get that. I don’t know what else to ask for. And I’d never stop asking for it because I know He never stops giving. I just can’t get over the fact that.. well, never mind.

 Life, it happens!

Muddat  hui  mar  gaya  Ghalib  magar  phir  bhi  yaad  ata  hai
Wo  har  ik  baat  pe  kehna, kay  youn  hota  tou  kya  hota

Disclaimer: The verses are taken from Ghalib's poem and are property and copyright of the owner.