The Vicious, Dilemmatic Circle of Her Life

I know a girl. She seems quite enigmatic to me, running round in a circle. She calls it the vicious circle of her life. I say, the vicious circle is her life. Her life is a set of dilemmas, intermingled into each other, making it more knotty and complicated. But she has a power that unties every knot of her life by just a single tug; the tug of forbearance. Just one tug and the thread of her life gets so smooth before her eyes. It's easy, she says. She tells herself that it does not matter, that it's all in her head. She tells herself that there is something special waiting for her. She tells herself that she has got to be patient. And that's how she loosens every knot on the thread of her existence.

But she can't avoid seeing doubt raising its head, everytime she soothes herself with the pills of forbearance. She can't help but wonder what if this whole journey won't be any good to her, in the end. What if the path she had chosen wasn't meant for her feet to tread on. What if she'd never get what she wanted for letting it go that easily. What if what she was expecting to become a gift, would turn out to be a punishment. 

But she wants to keep going. So she always tries so hard not to let doubt peek into her life. And this is why she is in a constant battle with herself. I see her battling with the matrix of thoughts that take her from the battlefield to the mountains to the paradise and back to the battlefield again. The problem is, I can't help her. The problem is, I don't think she needs any help because I think this problem itself would take her to where the solution lies. The problem is, I'm not sure if my solution to her problem is actually what she wants as a solution.
Her life is a set of dilemmas..

Money: The Right to Belittle

Picture..

A wedding function, happening in all its grandeur. Beautiful ladies, wearing shimmery dresses. Lads wearing classy suits. You being one of the spectators, enjoying the fun filled night. Colourful lights dancing on the dance floor. People eating food, sharing smiles, laughter, jokes. Among those people are the relatives and friends of the bride and groom. There are cameramen too, to capture the beautiful memories that would be cherished for a long time. Friends and relatives are coming on the stage to sit with the bride and groom, to give their blessings and presents to them. The cameraman is videoing the party. He's recording as the relatives are coming and sitting on the stage. Here comes another family and sits on the stage and showers money on the bride and groom. What a splendid display of money! One of the DJs, playing music for the wedding party, asks a kid, who's also with the DJ crew, to go and collect the money that was just given away for the couple's blessing. The kid, about 6 years old, does as has been asked, and starts collecting the notes lying on the feet of the guests on stage before somebody else claims them. As he gets nearer to the note sitting at the feet of the groom and draws his hand to pick it up, the groom hits him with his powerful kick. The boy rolls over from the stage and on to the ground. Before he comprehends what has just happened, he quickly runs over to his crew, bewildered. One of the crew guys pats him on the back and comforts him so that he doesn't start crying. The boy is strong. He is not saying anything, just staring ahead at nothing in particular and trying not to let his tears come out. This hasn't affected anyone. Neither the groom, nor his relatives and friends. They all are still smiling for the camera. The music is still playing. People are still laughing. Nobody has been affected. Nobody, but that boy. Because he has a self respect too that just got kicked in front of a throng of people.

What you just pictured was what I had actually witnessed. I was wondering what that boy was staring at. He was seeing straight ahead of him, but not looking at anything. He was probably thinking who has given anyone the right to treat him the way he just got treated. Why money brings such behaviour along with it? Either he was wishing to get as rich as the groom was, or he was wishing to never get that rich for the possible consequential changes it would bring along, in his behaviour.

While I was seeing all that, I was getting embarrassed for my presence there. I wanted to run away from that party but I didn’t, because I’m not as strong as that boy was who stayed there even when he was thrown away from the stage with a kick.
 I was feeling ashamed because he probably hated me too for being there, for being one of the spectators who just watched him being kicked but didn’t do anything.
I was feeling ashamed for sitting in the same hall as that boy, not because of my job, but with a proper invitation.

Suddenly, money started seeming like one disgracing yet necessary object, to me.

When did money become the authority to look down upon those who are stronger and nobler than the tycoons out there?
The answer came flying toward me: Since the advent of mortal life.